theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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