hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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