So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
