Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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