dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
being pregnant is like rehab
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
