I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
