We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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