I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
