you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
