I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
