I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
