hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
