I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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