I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
