If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
