Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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