Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
