and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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