I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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