I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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