It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
