Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
