The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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