I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
