Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
