i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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