does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
