my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
