come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
