We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They have beer where we have blood.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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