he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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