i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
