Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
