Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
