when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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