Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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