somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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