I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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