Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
