Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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