dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
