White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
