now i know why i became what i already was.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
