I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
