in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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