Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
