I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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