He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
