he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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