dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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