He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
