Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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