I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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