Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
