Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize