I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
