i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
no you cant smoke seaweed
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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