I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
