I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize