I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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