Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
