Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
