this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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