So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
