it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need to align my fucking chakras
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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