She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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