Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
