There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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