She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
