There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
