I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
