THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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